Four Years of Longing
by specialcucpcake8
Summary: Bella has been crushing on Edward since freshman year. Will he ever return her feelings? This is a story of Bella's four years in high school with Edward. ONESHOT. AH.


**A/N: Hi. This is the first oneshot I've ever written. It's based on my life…well, kind of. Haha. Anyways, hope you like it and please, read and REVIEW!**

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. Unfortunately. **

Freshman Year

I take a deep breath and push the doors of Forks High School open. This is it. Today is the day I have been dreading all summer. First day of high school, that too, in a new town. At least I am not going to be the only new one here. Hopefully, all the other freshmen are just as nervous as I am. I know it's not going to be easy. While I am looking forward to taking challenging classes and having new teachers, I am not looking forward to dealing with all the drama that comes with high school. But it's just a matter of four years and then I'm out of this town, free to chase my dreams. I sigh and make my way down the corridor. All around me people are hugging, screaming and talking at the top of their voices. It's not even been five minutes since I got here and I already want to go home. _Ugh, just suck it up Bella. You're tough. You can get through this._ I keep my head up high and continue down the seemingly endless corridor. And that's when I see him. He is tall and lanky, his hair, which is a very unusual shade of bronze is sticking out in every way as if he just rolled out of bed and came to school. But it is his face that makes me stop dead in my tracks. Full lips held up in a crooked smile, a long, straight nose and eyes…_his eyes_. His eyes are such a beautiful shade of green, green like a sea after a rough storm, green like emeralds. His eyes have so much depth, I feel like I can get lost in them forever. He is the most beautiful boy I have ever seen and I can't take my eyes off of him. I don't know for how long I'm standing there, just looking at him like a lovesick loon but I'm soon startled out of my reverie when a tall boy with developing muscles walks up to him and throws his arm around him. "Eddie boy! Sup man?" he booms. Eddie? I'm disappointed. He is too beautiful to have such a common name like Eddie. He laughs and shoves him away. "How many times have I told you to not call me that, Emmett? It's Edward." Yeah. That suits him much better. _Edward_, I think to myself and start walking again with a smile on my face and a spring in my step. Freshman year is going to be better than I thought.

Sophomore Year

Edward Cullen is the devil himself. Ever since that first day of school, it has been impossible for me to get him out of my mind. His messy bronze hair, the sound of his laugh, the way his jeans hang perfectly on his slim waist and, _his eyes_. Every time I see those green eyes, their beauty leaves me breathless. I feel disoriented and forget about everything except him. It's like no one else exists except me and him. But to my extreme disappointment, it's now halfway through my sophomore year, and I have still not said a single word to him. It's pathetic really. I mean, how difficult is it to go up to a gorgeous guy and just start a conversation? Yeah, right. Like that's ever gonna happen. To add to my problems, I don't think he even knows I exist. The bell rings and pulls me out of my thoughts. I sigh and slowly start packing my things away when I hear _him_ say something to Lauren about some party tonight. _See Bella? That's his type. Skinny, popular blondes. Not mousey brunettes like you. Why do you even get your hopes up only to have them shot down day after day? _I have been having this same conversation with myself for the past year and a half and still everyday, I think someday Edward will miraculously come up to me and profess his undying love for me. I smile ruefully and make my way down the almost empty corridor.

"Bella, Sam switched out of this class since he had a scheduling conflict. So from today, Edward will be your new lab partner." I sit in stunned silence after Mr. Banner is done making this announcement. I guess God finally heard and answered my prayers. I am bursting with happiness on the inside. I can't believe this is happening! But I am soon brought down from my high when I realize what this new situation means. Edward being my new lab partner means that I am going to have to sit next to him and work with him in close proximity every single day without hyperventilating or doing something stupid. Which is very unlikely. I groan when I realize that the chances of me making a fool out of myself in front of him are very high. I get up and make my way towards his table. My face is on fire and of course, I trip over the leg of his chair. _Classy Bella. Real classy. It's not been even two minutes and you humiliate yourself._ This is gonna be a long semester. Once I settle down, Mr. Banner begins the lesson and I try to calm down. _Okay Bella. Chill. It's just a guy. A very attractive guy who smells amazing but, a guy nonetheless. You've got this! Just talk to him normally. And please, PLEASE don't say anything stupid!_ I'm done with my internal pep talk just as Mr. Banner finishes explaining the lab for the day. I take a deep breath and turn around and face him. I am expecting myself to react the way I usually do every time I look into his eyes but for once, instead of losing my breath and feeling completely awed by his beauty, I just feel calm and safe. Every worry and care in the world just seems to melt away. It's just his eyes staring into mine and that's the only thing that matters. I stare into his eyes for what seems like days and then my eyes break contact and roam hungrily over his perfect face. Over his sharp cheekbones, his long nose, his full lips that are just begging to be kissed, and his strong jawline that is so sharp it could cut glass. Suddenly I'm not so nervous about this new arrangement anymore and I give him a small smile. "Hi, I'm Bella." I say. "I know." _He knows?! Cue internal happy dance._ "I'm Edward," he says with a crooked grin, which this time makes my heart stop. I smile and shake my head and we get to work. _Some things will never change._ Like being completely dazzled by none other than Edward Cullen.

Junior Year

Wow. Life sure has changed a lot from last year. Last year, Edward Cullen didn't even know my name. But this year, I am his friend. That's right, his _friend,_ not some random girl who sits next to him during bio. These past few months being his friend have been amazing. But still, it is pretty disappointing that we are just friends, nothing more. But then, what am I expecting? He is way out of my league. "Hey, Bella." I look up and see Edward slide into his seat. I smile and say, "Hey. What's up?" "So. Emmett's having a party tonight. You wanna go?" Wait. What?! I can't believe this is happening! Edward Cullen is inviting me to a party! This is the first party I have been invited to ever since coming to Forks. I know, sad right? And the fact that _Edward _invited me makes it all the more special. "Sure!" I say, as causally as I can. In reality, I want to jump up on the table and do my happy dance but I have to control myself. Can't have him running off right after inviting me to a party. Still, I should not get my hopes up. We are still going as 'just friends'. I sigh in disappointment and the excitement starts to wear off.

The day of the party finally comes around and before I know it, I'm finally at the party. I'm expecting loud music, alcohol and drunk people but I am not prepared for the ear-splitting, thumping bass that's making my ears ring or drunk couples almost tearing each other's clothes off in dark corners or on the dance floor. Edward is nowhere to be seen and I feel uncomfortable in the short, black dress I'm wearing- the only dress I own. I want to go home and am just about to; when Mike sidles up to me and starts talking my ear off. _Oh God, please help me. _I sigh in relief when I finally spot Edward by the bar. He's looking at me with his signature crooked smile, which immediately makes my stomach flip. The effect that boy has on me is ridiculous. I give him a wide grin in return and walk towards him, leaving Mike alone, talking to himself. "Hey." I say, once I reach him. His eyes slowly roam over my body and it makes my knees go weak. I'm suddenly nervous. At home, I thought I looked pretty good but what if he thinks I look stupid? He has never looked at me this way before. When his gaze finally returns to my face, he says, "Hi. You look nice." Nice?! That's it? I'm disappointed. I don't know what I was expecting; I mean I should be happy just at the fact that he complimented me. But after the way he had looked at me before, I was kind of expecting for something more than just 'nice'. The action had seemed really intimate but I guess I was just reading too much into it. I shrug it off and casually say, "Thanks. You don't look too bad yourself." That's an understatement; he looks great. But then, when does he not? We talk about school and the upcoming bio test. After some time, he goes off to look for Emmett and Jasper and I go upstairs to look for the bathroom. Behind closed doors, I can hear drunk couples doing God knows what. Finally I find the bathroom and once inside, I look at my reflection. I've put on some makeup for once and it makes me look prettier and much more mature than usual. My eyes are bright and are framed by thick lashes, my lips look fuller, and there's a faint flush on my cheeks. I smile; satisfied with the way I look and walk out. It's a fatal mistake. What I see immediately wipes the smile off my face. Edward has Tanya pinned against the wall and is passionately kissing her like there is no tomorrow. I swear I could hear my heart breaking into two. I feel like I've been punched in the gut and I want to throw up. _Do you see now? You got your hopes up earlier, after the way he looked at you. You thought it meant something. But it obviously didn't. And now look how much it hurts to see him kissing someone else. Just forget about him. Accept the fact that he is never going see you that way. It will save you from a lot of pain._ I'm desperately trying to hold the tears in. I quickly brush past them and I don't think either of them noticed since they were so caught up with each other. But for some reason, I look back at them just before I turn the corner. And to my shock, Edward's eyes lock with mine. The pain I'm feeling is unbearable and I'm pretty sure he can see it in my eyes. He has an unreadable expression on his face and maybe even a tiny hint of regret in his eyes, but I don't give it a singe thought. I can't afford to get my hopes up and go through this pain again. I made the mistake once, and it hurts too much. I turn around and walk away with a broken heart and shattered dreams.

Senior Year

The past four years of high school have gone by in the blink of an eye. I remember dreading the first day of high school and now here I am, in my graduation gown and cap, wishing my school days would never have to end. I am headed to UCLA in a month and I can't wait to start over in a new city with new hopes and dreams. I also can't wait to get away from Edward as soon as possible. This past year has been nothing but absolute torture. I don't know what I've done to deserve the kind of pain I have endured this past year. After the party, nothing really changed on the surface, but at the same time nothing was right anymore. Being with Edward used to be fun but now it is emotionally challenging. It takes every ounce of my willpower to act normally around him and not blurt out what I really want to say. I want to tell him to dump that slutty girlfriend of his. I want him to want me like I desperately want him. I want to tell him that he belongs with me, and not with that blonde bitch. I have never liked anyone this much in my entire life, but everyday, I have to see the guy I've been crushing on for four years stick his tongue down someone else's throat. Every time I see them together, I feel like I've been stabbed in the heart with a shard of glass. I'm tired of crying myself to sleep every night since that party. Does he care? No. So why should I waste my tears on him? Every night I promise myself that I won't let a single tear roll down my cheek and every night I fail. But at school, I act like everything is normal. I will never let him know how much I want him and how much he hurts me every single day. I know he's not doing anything intentionally, but it still cuts through my heart every time. Well, after today, I won't have to put with any of this shit. I will be free at last and I'll finally put all this behind me forever. I go to my locker and get the box containing all the things I've collected over the past four years. I walk down the corridor one last time and pause at Edward's locker. This is where I saw him for the first time all those years ago. I smile, remembering how I'd stood right here, in the middle of the corridor, just staring at him. I hear footsteps behind me and turn to see Edward standing a few feet away from me. He's wearing a suit and boy, does he look good. His sleeves are rolled up, his tie is loose and his hair is a mess as usual. My heart clenches painfully when I realize for the thousandth time that this beautiful boy will never be mine. I muster a tiny and smile and before I even know what is happening, he has me wrapped in his arms in a tight hug. I gasp and commit the feeling of his arms wrapped tightly around me, to my memory forever. I know this is never going to happen again and I need to replay this memory in my mind every night just to say sane. I inhale his heavenly scent and marvel at how perfectly I fit into his arms. Like they were made just for me. His face is buried in the crook of my neck and while I'm not complaining at all, I don't understand where his sudden feelings of affection are coming from. "God, I've missed you Bella." I am so confused. What is happening? I step away from him and look up at him. "What are you talking about?" I say. He sighs and runs his hand through his hair. Something I've longed to do since the first day I saw it. "I know things have changed between us ever since the party. Ever since I…started going out with Tanya. I just wanna know what happened." Oh no. I've avoided this conversation for the past year and I'm desperately trying to get out of answering him. I don't want him to know…but how is it going to make any difference if I tell him or not? I mean, after today, I don't know if we'll ever meet again or not. I decide to go for it. It's not like he's going to dump Tanya for me. So I'll just tell him everything and get over with it. I take a deep breath and say, "Things became weird between us because it was too hard for me to see you with Tanya. It hurt too much. And it's because I've liked you ever since freshman year. I know, we didn't even know each other back then, but I still liked you. And after we became friends, my feelings for you became stronger and for some stupid reason I thought you… I thought I finally had a chance. But I was obviously a fool to think so. I mean, why would you go out with a girl like me? I got my hopes up and when they got shot down, it hurt just too much. That is why it was so hard for me to be around you after the party. I liked you, way too much, but you never returned my feelings. Once I knew for sure that I had no chance with you, once you started dating Tanya, I tried so hard to get over you, but it was just impossible." He is staring at me with a stunned expression on his face and again the same hint of regret is in his eyes, like he had after I saw him with Tanya at the party. "Bella I," he starts to say but I cut him off and continue, "But it doesn't matter because after today, we'll probably never see each other again. I'll move to LA in a month and start a new life there. And you can go on with your life at college with Tanya. And we can still be 'friends' if you want, but it is never gonna be enough for me. So I guess this is goodbye. I hope you do really well in life." I memorize each feature of his gorgeous face and I'm desperately holding the tears back. After years of dreaming about him, after today, I am never going to see him again and the thought is unbearable. However clichéd it sounds, when I'm with Edward, I feel completely alive. I can't even begin to comprehend what life is going to be like without seeing him or talking to him everyday. The thought of a life without him, even just as a friend, fills me with despair. I give him one last smile and turn to go. But before I've even taken a step, he grabs my wrist and pulls me towards him. "Edward what-" but before I can even finish, his perfect lips are on mine. A shot of electricity goes through my body when his lips touch mine and I almost faint. I can't believe this is happening. I've dreamt of this moment every night for four, long years and I had finally accepted that it was just a fantasy that was never going to come true. But after years of waiting, it's finally happening. _Edward Cullen is kissing me. _And he is my first kiss, just like I'd hoped he would be, and it's absolutely perfect. I move my lips over his and gasp when his hands slowly slide down my body to my waist. He takes the chance and his tongue meets mine and I moan softly. The kiss that had first started out slow and sweet soon becomes desperate and passionate. I pour all my repressed feelings of longing and frustration into the kiss. I wrap an arm around his neck and his lips devour mine with an urgency that makes my heart ache. His hands slowly slide up my body and one slides into my hair while the other entwines with mine. Finally, after years of dreaming about it, I run my free hand through his soft, silky locks and sigh in contentment. I soon break away, gasping for breath. He groans and pushes me up against his locker. He is panting, his hair is a mess and his eyes are wild. "God, Bella. You will be the death of me. What are you doing to me?" He starts kissing my neck and works his way down to my collarbone. He places tiny kisses there and I moan again. "You can't just leave me and go off to LA. Not after this. Not after you told me everything. Not after this kiss. I can't lose you. I lost you once, I can't lose you again." His forehead rests against mine and his dark, green eyes stare deeply into mine. "What are you saying? I don't understand." I say. He sighs and says," What I'm trying to say is that I'm an utter fool. I can't believe I started dating _Tanya" _he spits out her name and I crack a small smile, "just because I was too scared of the effect you had on me." My eyebrows shoot up into my hairline and I look at him with wide eyes. "You mean…?" I leave the question hanging. "When I saw you in that black dress at the party I was filled with this uncontrollable urge to just pick you up, take you to some dark corner and kiss you senseless. But I was scared too, because I had never felt this intensely for anyone. I was confused, I didn't know what all these feelings meant and looking back, I realize I was an utter coward. When you went to the bathroom, Tanya came up to me and I kissed her just to get you out of my head. But the entire time I wished it were you instead. And then you saw me kissing her and the look on your face…it still haunts me. You looked so hurt and disappointed and I felt so ashamed of myself for being the cause of your pain. Kissing Tanya that day is the worst mistake of my life and I regret it every single day. After that day, Tanya immediately thought we were dating. I tried to tell her so many times that it was just a kiss and nothing else, but she just didn't get it. And after some time, I got tired of explaining things to her and just went it. I am such an idiot. I can't believe we wasted all these years just dancing around each other. If I had just manned up and accepted my feelings for you, we would never be in this situation. I am so sorry Bella." I am stunned. Edward just accepted that he has feelings for me. And even though I'm really mad and disappointed that he wasted an entire year with Tanya when we could have been together, just the fact that he feels the same way about me brings a huge smile to my face. I can't waste any more time; we've already wasted too much and pull his face down to mine and capture his lips in another passionate kiss. I'll yell at him later and will sure as hell make him grovel for making me wait for so long, but right now the feeling of his lips moving so desperately with mine is just pure bliss. "God Bella, I'm never letting you go now. Not ever." He murmurs against my lips. I sigh in absolute contentment and wrap my arms tightly around his neck. "Then don't." I say. I know we still have a lot to figure out but I am ready. Because this time it's different. This time we're both on the same page. This time we are completely sure about our feelings for each other. This time, it's perfect. I am finally ready to start my new life, this time with Edward Cullen at my side.

**A/N: Thank you for reading! Also, if you liked this short story, I've written another story with my friend called The Ultimate Plan. Give it a try! And if you like it, please R&R!**


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